McIntyre, L. J. Symbolic interaction, 28(2), 147-166. According to Cooley, people learn to use the looking-glass and thus learn who the self is through primary groups such as the family. Research has consistently supported Cooleys idea that people act based on the perceptions they have of how others perceive them rather than their actual responses. When scrolling through one's newsfeed, it's helpful to remember that people carefully curatethe appearance of their lives on social media. If you find yourself judging or experiencing strong negative emotion related to someone, you are triggered. A practice that I have developed using a mirror mindfully in meditation can help uncover kinder self-awareness and strengthen our resilience to meet lifes challenges. For example, someone may brag about how much alcohol they consumed over the course of a weekend to their friends but make a concerted effort to hide this information from their employer (Squirrell, 2020). Here are the best options. To reflect back what is in front of it. Or everything I thought I wasnt. You are a unique person with a specific mission. All rights reserved. Id comfort her and remind her what a great person she is. The term looking-glass self, first introduced by Charles Cooley (1902), refers to the dependence of one's social self or social identity on one's appearance to others. Debbie Ford discussed mirroring in her book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, although she didnt call it that. I almost always regret it when I let my guard down and start scrolling. .literally. Apply for a FREE Certified High Performance Coaching strategy session. Then, you could be a terrorist under the right conditions. I didnt have to do anything, I was worthy of love and compassion by simply being. I blamed it on having 3 girls. Part of HuffPost Wellness. If you commit yourself to being deeply grateful for whats good in your life and remind yourself of it daily, youll be far less vulnerable to comparison and envy. Rather, it was a check-in to how I was feeling about myself, my appearance, my emotions, and the various running dramas in my life. The reactions of others to ourselves provide us with feedback about ourselves of the most direct sort. Ciara wanted me to think I was never good enough. And sometimes what is triggered will leave many of us hurt and stunned. Our desire to be seen and reflected is basic and innate. Some became more aware of emotions they typically avoided like fear, anger, or disgust, that they hadnt noticed before. Breaking free from comparison is not a linear journey. Id empathize with her, offer her words of encouragement, and remind her of all the reasons shes great. How Much Time Do You Want to Spend With Your Partner? Occasionally, Id rest my gaze for just a moment and look into my own eyes who was I? To stay motivated, we tend to avoid thinking about past mistakes and focus instead on past successes. Refraction. Tracking Your Thoughts Might Surprise You, Mood Journal 101: How to Get Started on Controlling Your Emotions, The 10 Best Online Postpartum Therapy Options, Therapy for Every Budget: How to Access It, Debra Rose Wilson, Ph.D., MSN, R.N., IBCLC, AHN-BC, CHT, 9 Best Online Psychiatry Services for 2023, Stress Can Increase Your Biological Age. You may have had the experience, as I have, of being shocked when a couple that appeared to be happy and solid announce their divorce. To what extent is the self-image shaped by society and circumstances, and to what extent is the self a reflection of ones essential qualities? Someone forms their social self through an ongoing interaction between the Me and the I (McIntyre, 1998). For example, there are women I know well who are extraordinarily kind and generous wives, mothers, and friends. How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others | Psychology Today By comparison, everything in my life seemed less than. Instead of pointing fingers, be objective and choose to look closely at what they are reflecting. Goffman, E. (2002). This is not how it works. Just enter your email to download The Influencers Path to Successful Publishing guide for free. Yes, its a bit gutsybut Im boldly trying to do this every day myself, and I do believe it improves relationships and makes for more acceptance. Count Your . This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. As our modern cities accept more people, we are becoming "one amongst many." I gave all the participants small hand-held mirrors, but their task went beyond looking at their reflections. And we might even completely avoid, overlook, or deny our role in the dynamic. I settled on the name Ciara, and as we got better acquainted, I discovered she was particularly nasty. Symbolic interactionism is a micro-level theory that focuses on the meanings attached to individual human interactions as well as symbols. How does that part of you feel be receiving those critiques? People must depend on their imagination, either thinking about how others may react or observing others responses and connecting these two inferences about the workings of anothers inner mind (Squirrell, 2020). Its not perfect, but I finally accepted responsibility for the drama, and instead of yelling at them, started working on me.